Quick introduction: my name (or at least, the fake name for my MAP identity) is PY, or PrivateYankee. I'm in my early 20s, male, from the UK and my AoA is roughly 5-12, with 8-9 being my strongest preference. I'm exclusively attracted to boys, and I'm also autistic. I joined VirPed over 2 and a half years ago and I've been a VirPed mod for over a year.
What inspired you to be on our podcast?
I've been aware of online MAP activism for a number of years now. When it first dawned on me that I was a MAP (more on that later), I spent a lot of time reading through articles and blog posts on the topic, as well as a handful of YouTube videos and podcasts. Listening to the likes of Adam in This American Life, reading Todd Nickerson's article on Salon and reading through Ender's blog was a massive confidence boost for me. I had no idea that the anti-contact MAP community even existed before coming across all of that activism. During that time, I was too nervous to actually join the community, so the various platforms of activism were my only insights into the community. So I know from first-hand experience how vital it is to raise awareness about these issues and how liberating it is to read articles and blogs, as well as listen to podcasts, where MAPs are represented.
More recently, I have listened to a few episodes from The Prevention Podcast and A MAP's Journey, and I've been very impressed by Elliott and others with how they were able to get their story across. I've been inspired to take part in a bit of activism and raising awareness myself, which so far has been limited to posting anonymously about these issues on Reddit. So the opportunity to appear on a podcast myself is one that I'd love to take, particularly because I want to help other MAPs, especially younger MAPs, who have not yet reached self-acceptance. I used to be one of those younger MAPs who were afraid of what they might do, and I looked up to the MAPs who were raising awareness. And hopefully now I can do the same, I can do my bit in supporting the MAP community.
Unfortunately, I am conscious about my real voice being publicly associated with my MAP identity, plus I don't live alone so talking about this out loud is next to impossible. Fortunately, Elliott is willing to speak for me, and I'm very thankful for him being able to do this!
When did you first recognize you were a MAP?
So there were two stages for me; when I discovered my attractions, and when it dawned on me that I was a MAP. The former happened when I was 13, just when I hit puberty. Before then, I had a very innocent and naive childhood. I'm aware that a lot of MAPs have a history of child sexual abuse, or they started experimenting with other children from an early age, but that wasn't the case with me at all. I had zero desire to do anything sexual with, and zero sexual attraction to, anyone up until I hit puberty, a few months after my 13th birthday. From then, I began to notice the younger boys at my school. It wasn't so much that I walked into school one day and thought to myself, "Oh hey, these boys are attractive!" It was a very gradual process. Throughout my teen years, I noticed those younger boys more and more, and even developed a couple of school crushes.
I would say that the first ever boy crush I had was William from the YouTube series Kids React. I was watching the episodes from late 2010 to 2011, and slowly but surely I started having those feelings for him. I had no idea why I was feeling that way, I just was. My first ever crush on a boy actor was Nathan Gamble, who I first saw in the movie The Hole (2009) when I was 14. Around the age of 13 or 14, I began doing searches on YouTube and stock photo sites of boys, and I was surprised with how much content I found, particularly on YouTube. I would spend a lot of my free time watching boy videos on YouTube, trying to find ones where they boys were topless etc. I knew that CP was illegal and I knew that children were harmed as a result of it being produced, and I sure as hell didn't want any legal trouble, so I stuck to things that I knew were 100% legal. So I knew I had these attractions, I knew that I had no interest in adult women (or adults at all) but instead I had this interest younger boys. But I didn't really identify as a pedophile, for a couple of reasons. The first is one that I suspect is more common; I was young, and there wasn't that much of an age gap between the oldest boys who I found attractive and myself. So I didn't think it was that much of an issue at the time.
The other reason is perhaps a bit more specific; even when I hit puberty, I still had virtually no desire to do anything sexual with anyone. It might sound strange, but none of my fantasies about boys involved sex, or even masturbation. They only ever involved touching and... tickling! Yes, I have a tickling fetish, something that I only formally announced on VirPed at the end of 2020. I discovered that I had this fetish a little bit before I discovered my attraction to boys. The biggest theme for me when doing those YouTube searches was boys getting tickled, and for a while that was my main outlet. Then, still long before I knew that the MAP community existed, I discovered this boy tickling community. There were stories and artwork, and while I was never confident enough to post my own stuff, I read a lot of the stories and discovered a whole new outlet. So I never really fantasised about boys doing things that people would consider to be sexual, I only thought about doing the softer stuff, such as tickling. And because I had it in my head that pedophiles were people who would try to snatch kids and and have forceful sex with them or whatever, I never made that connection between myself and pedophilia. I didn't want to do sexual stuff with boys, I only wanted to tickle them, so I couldn't possibly be a pedophile, right?
When I was 16, about 3 years after discovering my attractions, I was browsing through the political side of YouTube and I just happened to stumble across this video of someone reading through, and reacting to, Todd Nickerson's Salon article. I remember reading the title, "I'm a pedophile but not a monster," and thinking, "Wait, hold on, I find boys attractive, does this actually mean...," and reading through the rest of the article confirmed that I was indeed a pedophile. I remember reading through much of the reaction on social media and thinking, "Oh my god, these people who say that all pedos should be locked up or killed are talking about ME." In the comments of that video, someone had linked Tarred and Feathered Act 2: Help Wanted, the episode of This American Life featuring the pedophile Adam. I sat on my bed listening to all of it, and I was shellshocked. Just completely emotionally drained listening to the experiences of someone like me. I had a similar feeling when I discovered Ender Wiggin's blog; I read through each and every single one of his entries. I remember really liking the one titled "Demystifying the sexual attraction to children" (I think that's what it was called, I apologise if that's incorrect) because my attraction to boys and fantasies about boys were all very much lighthearted, which contrasted with the notion that all pedophiles enjoy raping or otherwise hurting kids.
Anyway, I spent quite a bit of time reading through as many articles and listening to as many podcasts and watching as many videos as I could on the subject. I guess you could say that I went through an adrenaline rush of learning that this community even existed. Despite all this, I was too paranoid to actually join the community myself, mainly down to a fear that it would be too easy to get outed if I did. Over time, long after I got over the rush of reading as much about the community as possible, I finally got round to joining VirPed in November 2018. Since joining, I have made many friends, some of whom are very close. I was even lucky enough to meet up with two other VirPed members in real life, something that I never even fathomed was possible even just a few months before it happened. Both times were extremely cathartic experiences, talking about being a MAP out loud and even pointing out cute boys. I'm forever grateful that I had those experiences, and if you trust someone enough, I would highly recommend meeting up with another MAP in real life.
Since joining the community, I also learned that the lack of actual sexual stuff in my fantasies put me in the minority. After doing a bit of digging, I realised that the term sex-repulsed suited me quite well, which according to some sources puts me on the asexual spectrum. Which makes sense I guess, since I don't fantasise about having sex with boys at all, or boys doing overtly sexual stuff. This brings me onto the other reason why I avoided CP; not only did I know that it was illegal, it also would never had occurred to me to try and search it up. Why would I? The tickling videos and stories that I found were basically what I fantasised about anyway, so why would I search for anything more hardcore? One of the biggest shocks for me upon joining the community was learning just how widespread CP viewing is, and how there are many, many more MAPs who struggle with CP viewing compared to hands-on offences. Even when I listened to This American Life, I remember thinking, "Jesus, he actually viewed CP?" The concept was just so foreign to me. Even today, as an active mod on VirPed, I still wonder if I fit the definition of a pedophile. I find boys attractive and I get turned on if I think about touching them for long enough, or see a video of one getting tickled, but thinking about having sex with one? No thanks. Am I still a pedophile? Probably, but human sexuality is confusing as hell.
Are you exclusive or non-exclusive?
I'm completely exclusive. Puberty and everything that comes with it (body hair, voice breaking etc) has always been a turn-off. It's always a disappointment when cute boys hit puberty and are no longer cute. In terms of relationships, the only sort of relationship with an adult that would work for me is one that didn't involve any sex. It would have to be a purely emotional relationship, since doing anything even remotely sexual with an adult wouldn't be fun for me. I've actually realised that the most fulfilling sort of relationship would be with another MAP, preferably one who is also attracted to boys. I'll touch on this later, but I'd hate to be in an intimate relationship with someone and not be able to be honest about myself. So being with another MAP would provide me with a lot of emotional fulfilment. But even then, it wouldn't compare to the fulfilment that I would get out of being in a relationship with a boy in my AoA, which can't happen for obvious reasons.
Speaking of relationships, I mentioned earlier that I'm autistic. Sometimes I wonder if being autistic makes things easier for myself. From a young age I've never been one to overly socialise. I basically didn't have any friends apart from maybe one or two people in my early years of primary school. I remember my teacher talking to my parents about my lack of friends but at the time I didn't see it as an issue. I just thought, "Well I'm having fun on my own, what's the big deal?" Throughout my childhood, and even today, I don't mind doing stuff on my own. To give a brief example, I find it very easy to motivate myself to go out and do some training on my own. I hear others say that it's much easier in a group and it doesn't feel the same training on your own, but for me I could easily train without a group.
I have a few of the typical autistic traits; I like repetition and order, I find it hard to read social situations, I find a lot of socialising to be mentally exhausting etc. This might seem crazy to some of you, but the idea of never being in a relationship with anyone doesn't actually seem that bad? Like it's something I can see myself living with. And I'm wondering if it's an autistic trait because I seem to be less bothered by the lack of a sexual relationship than most other exclusives. It's very easy for me to feel occupied throughout the day even if there's nothing much to do, and I don't have that much of a drive to be intimate with someone. I mean, sure, I can certainly imagine how good it must be for teleios to be with people they're attracted to. But being autistic has made me a not-very-socially-active person, so not being in a relationship isn't the end of the world for me.
What was your coming out process like?
Oh boy, it was not a fun one. I mentioned before that I didn't have the confidence to join the MAP community. At the same time, I was desperate to open up about this as it was driving me crazy having to bury this from everyone and not having an emotional and/or social outlet for this. One evening in September 2016, my mum "came out" to me with the news that I was diagnosed with Asperger's (ASD) when I was 7. We talked a lot about my experiences at school, my friendships and how I acted "differently" from everyone. I always had a sneaking suspicion that this was the case but I digress. After that, I started to pace my room back and forth, thinking to myself, "Am I really gonna do this? Yes I will. My mum is a reasonable person. If I emphasise that I sincerely believe that it's wrong to act on my attractions, she'll understand. I'll finally have someone to open up to.”
I walked downstairs and sat in the living room with my mum. I got closer and asked if she loved me no matter what. She said that of course she does. I then told her that what I'm about to say could change that. At this point I was shaking; my voice was down to a whisper. I couldn't believe that I was saying this. I told her that it's to do with who I'm attracted to. She asked if I was gay and I said that it's worse than that. She asked if I was into older people and I shook my head. Then she asked if I was into younger people, and I was silent for a bit, before slightly nodding my head. I immediately clarified that I fully understood why CSA is harmful and that I didn't want to have these attractions, but I had them, nonetheless. She asked me if I was ever abused, to which I said that I wasn't, which is true. At the end she concluded that it must have something to do with my ASD, but overall she seemed to accept me. We hugged and said that she loves me unconditionally. I went to bed that night, still shaking but feeling as if I had a weight off my shoulders.
Unfortunately, that's as good as it got. The next day, I noticed that she was crying. My brother was there to comfort her, but when he left, she told me that she just couldn't comprehend that her own son would be like this. I repeatedly told her that I knew it was wrong to be sexual with a child but even the thought of me feeling this way about kids was too much for her to bear. After that day, we didn't talk about it that much apart from a couple of times when she brought it up. One thing which really stuck out to me was when we were on a family holiday and I looked after my 10-year-old cousin for just a couple of hours while the rest of the family were away. The next morning, my mum directly asked me about my attractions and disclosed that she didn't think what I did was a good idea.
Fast forward to 2019 and there's me applying for the camp counsellor job that I'll talk about later on. My family were supportive of this, but one day, in between applying and flying off, my mum asked me directly about my feelings for children. At this point, I was a VirPed member for a few months, I had people who actually understood me that I could turn to and I pretty much knew I could control myself. My mum was clearly concerned that I was making the wrong decision and I realised that there was no use in doing any harm to her mental health when I was already getting the support that I needed. So I did my best to convince her that it was just a phase that I went through, nothing more. I told her that I don't feel this way about children and that I'm attracted to adults. That was a lie but I think it was the right decision. In the end I basically had to save myself from making the situation worse. To this day I'm still not sure that she's convinced: I'm in my early 20s now and I've never had a girlfriend and I don't socialise that much. And there were a couple of times after that, including when she was leaving me off at the airport for camp, where she asked me again about it, just to make sure. But she hasn't asked since, so hopefully I managed to get myself out of that situation.
As I said, let this serve as a warning for those who are thinking of coming out. I thought that coming out would be a good idea, and I'm lucky that my mum didn't disown me. But it came back to bite me. I was judged for wanting to work with kids. I was judged for playing with my cousin. Even if you come out to who you think is the most open-minded person, you have no idea how they'll react. I was relatively lucky in that I wasn't treated like a monster, but I was still made to feel uncomfortable for doing something that I genuinely wanted to experience. If there's one thing I could tell 16-year-old me, it would be to join the anti-contact MAP community asap and get your support from there. Because it's much more comforting when the person you're talking also has these attractions. And it's not fun to have every action of yours judged as if you might do something.
Are you a non-offending, anti-contact MAP?
Absolutely, definitely, 100%, no doubt. Having sexual contact with a child was never on the table for me as far as options go. Even before I discovered my attractions, I always knew that it was immoral for adults to abuse children like that. I never even entertained the idea of, "Well what if society changed? What if the child really wanted it?" I'm aware that there are pro-contact MAPs out there, and while I do think that they deserve support, I am fundamentally against what they stand for and I'm one to believe that pro-contact groups do more harm than good when it comes to MAP activism. If we want the public on our side, we need to be sending out a firm anti-contact message and distance ourselves from pro-contact beliefs.
There are MAPs who used to be pro-contact, and there are also MAPs who have committed offenses in the past. But people can change, and as long as people can learn from their past mistakes then I don't see why we need to shun them from our community. Oh, and when I refer to those who have committed offenses in the past, I'm talking about actual offenses against real children. I don't believe that those who have a criminal offence because they published erotic fiction or bought a sex doll or whatever to be past offenders.
What challenges have you faced with being a MAP?
Probably the biggest challenge is having to keep this a secret from everyone I know. Ever since redacting coming out to my mum, I feel like my family and friends don't know the real me. I'm having to constantly hide how I spend a large portion of my free time, and whenever I'm asked about dating or whatever, I have to brush it aside and pretend that I'm just not interested, which is true I guess but it doesn't tell the whole story. I feel like non-MAPs really don't understand how emotionally exhausting it is to live a double life, to pretend to be someone who you're not. I put so much time and energy into the MAP community, and I can't even talk about that in my real life. I can't even tell my own family, "Hey, I'm gonna be on this podcast and I'm currently typing up my answers." I can't be honest to my family and friends about the people who I truly love, the people who linger in my thoughts. I'm fortunate enough to have MAP friends to talk about these things, but I still have to put on a mask when facing the real world. While being sexual with a child is something that's rightfully off the table for all of us, if we manage to erase the stigma then I can at least look forward to not having the burden of living a double life. Imagine that, not having to worry about your internet activity being discovered by others, not having to lie about the people who truly break your heart. I'd love to live in that world. Instead I have to be content with online contact with other MAPs and the very occasional in-person meetup because those in my real life just wouldn't understand me. They'd see me as this predator that needs to be kept on a lead or something.
The other big issue, while it's something that I've learned to deal with, is the emotional emptiness that I'll never be with a boy in my AoA in the way that I "want" to be. Even with my ability to focus on other areas of life and not being overly bothered by the lack of a relationship, I still look at adult couples in a fulfilling sexual relationship and think, "If only. If only I could be like that with the people who I'm attracted to. It's not fair that I can't experience that." I'm not sure if that feeling has gotten better or worse over time. When it first dawned on me that I was a pedophile at 16, I thought that I'd struggle to deal with never being with a boy in that way. This leads onto the third thing that I struggled with; I really believed that I was a possible threat to children, and that it was sensible of me to never want to work with them and never get close to one. I remember watching this documentary, shortly after watching the YouTube video on Todd Nickerson, about this serial child abuser called Peter Righton. I was absolutely shocked at the sheer horrific abuse that he caused, and I really, really didn't want to have that sort of effect on children. Of course, looking back now it's painfully obvious that I'm nothing like Peter Righton, and not just because I'm sex-repulsed but because the overwhelming majority of pedophiles are nowhere near the level of serial child abusers. But teenage me was quick to internalise fears like that. So I didn't get close to children at all, up until I was 18 and I slowly began to realise that contrary to what I used to think, I'm actually no danger to children at all. I learned that I could be around them and nothing bad would happen. I dare say that I even enjoyed their company.
This leads onto the camp counsellor job. Getting that job was actually kind of a fluke, I was milling about a placement fair at my uni, unsure of what I would do with myself during the extremely long summer break that we were given. I just happened to see the stall for working at a summer camp; before that moment, the idea of being a camp counsellor had never crossed my mind. I asked them about it and I was intrigued by the whole thing. A week later I submitted my application, not really expecting to be accepted, but one thing led to another and I managed to have the best summer ever. I don't exaggerate when I say "the best summer ever" because that's what it was. I met so many amazing people, had the absolute time of my life and, most importantly, I became friends with some amazing boys. There were two boys that really stuck out for me, both of whom were in my bunk. One was very attractive to me and we got along well, and I have many fond memories of playing in the pool with him. The other had a very sweet and kind personality, and he actually reminded me of myself when I was his age, being a bit sensitive. I remember giving him a big hug as he walked over to me with tears in his eyes on one of the last nights of camp; he was upset because he didn't want to leave! Both of those boys were full of energy and enthusiasm, and my memories of them will always linger on.
After coming home from camp, any notion that I was a danger to children had been completely erased from my mind. That realisation lead to something else that I never thought would happen. For a bit of context, around early 2019 -- before going to camp -- I first saw this boy at an event that we both attended. He was 8 years old at the time and I was completely smitten for him. I saw him a few times before going to camp and every time I saw him, I couldn't get over just how cute he was. But it was always from afar; I never spoke to him. He was just this boy who I secretly admired. Or at least, it was like that for a while. After coming home from camp, I was still going to that event and I was still crushing on that boy. But one day, out of the blue, he started talking to me. Then his mum started talking to me. And I started chatting back. And before I knew it I was beginning to make friends with the boy who I had a secret crush on, and he actually wanted to be my friend! From there, every time we saw each other on those weekly events, we would chat to each other, just like friends would. And it was such an emotionally fulfilling feeling, one that I'll forever cherish.
Unfortunately, COVID brought an end to that event, and we stopped seeing each other. Except that we actually saw each other quite recently, again out of nowhere, and we were both very overjoyed to be together again for that one morning. And that one morning was by far the happiest I've ever been since lockdown started. As I think about it, it was COVID that made me realise just how much fulfilment I was getting out of working with and being around kids, and how empty I felt without them in my life. It also made me realise how many years I wasted as a teenager not trying to be around kids, because I didn't realise at the time how fulfilling it is and I wrongly believed that I was a danger to children. I could've spent so much time volunteering at various events, working at local places and in general making more of an effort to be friendly with kids. And, well, I just didn't. Not until there was a year or two left of normal life before the pandemic. I count myself lucky that I was able to squeeze in the summer camp experience before COIVD, but now I have that emotional emptiness. And even when I was friends with those boys, the emptiness still persisted because there was still the feeling of, "but I can't be with them in that way." Don't get me wrong, having those experiences definitely helped, but it's still going to be frustrating on some level, no matter how small, that I won't be with a boy in my AoA in "that" way.
If there's one piece of advice that I could give to a young MAP, apart from the obvious talking points from our community, is that there's really no reason for them to be afraid of being around kids. I had to deal with that unnecessary fear because I bought into the idea that pedophiles are a threat to children on some level. Working with kids can be very fulfilling for a lot of us, and I really wished I learned that sooner. Anyway, I went off on a tangent there talking about my summer camp experience and my young friend, but there are basically three main areas of struggle for me that are related to being a MAP; having to live a double life, the emotional emptiness of not being with a child in my AoA, and the fear that I'm somehow a threat to children which leads to not wanting to be around them. The first two I still deal with today, the struggle of living that double life taking up most of my concern, while the third is something I used to struggle with but I no longer do.
What do you wish the world would do differently re; how they treat MAPs?
What don't I wish the world would do differently! You could probably write a whole book about how society should change and what they're doing wrong when it comes to issues affecting MAPs, but I don't want this podcast running on for too long. Anyway, one important change to make is to erase the stigma that surrounds pedophilia, because it is this stigma which stops most non-pedophiles from thinking about this rationally. Imagine that we lived in a world where pedophilia wasn't as stigmatised and was more openly talked about (not just in the context of abuse). Someone who was worried about their attraction to minors could walk into a therapist's office and not have to worry about mandatory reporting, because the therapist would understand that simply being a pedophile isn't an assured risk factor for child abuse. The therapist would also understand that it would be counterproductive to try and report pedophiles because doing so makes them far less likely to want to seek help in the first place.
Erasing the stigma isn't just important for professional help. As I've said, it's emotionally exaushting to keep this secret from the people who you love. I'm not even talking about shouting from my rooftop that I love little boys; if I could just be honest with those who are close in my life, I wouldn't have the stress of constantly hiding a part of myself. So erasing the stigma is important on that front, and the best way to do so is through education. Now, some people out there are hell-bent on hating us, referred to as "antis,” but I'd like to think that the majority of non-MAPs are simply ignorant of us. They've never had to think about these issues in this matter, and why should they? When these issues don't affect you, it's easy to only read what the mainstream media tells you in sensationalist headlines. I roll my eyes whenever I hear the term "convicted pedophile.”
But these issues do affect them. Anyone could be a pedophile, and one thing I like to tell others is that it could be their own son or daughter. Imagine that you had a teenage son or daughter who told you that they were attracted to prepubescent children, they didn't want to abuse a child yet they couldn't control their attractions. What do you tell them? One delightful individual on Reddit told me that he'd shoot his own child in that situation, but I'm one to believe that most people would change their tune if their own child turned out to be a pedophile. That talking point is just one example of how we get others educated on these issues. The more people are educated, the lower the stigma will be which will lead to more MAPs realising that they're not destined to abuse children and that they can live their lives without ever abusing a child. If there was no stigma, we could even have a section on pedophilia in sex-ed classes, which sounds like a very radical idea, and one which realistically I won't think will happen in my lifetime, but it means that we can show pedophiles from a very young age that they're not monsters.
Let's also talk about non-abusive outlets. Believe it or not, there are many countries which have outlawed erotic drawings/CGI depicting fictional minors, fictional erotic stories and child sex dolls. Heck, even non-sexual (fully or partially) clothed images of children can be considered illegal in some countries under certain circumstances. None of these things involve the abuse of real children and it's frankly ludicrous that any of them can be considered illegal. We're supposed to not abuse children or consume actual abusive material, which I agree with, but why make it dangerous for us to even seek the non-abusive material? There is no evidence to suggest that MAPs who use non-abusive alternatives are more likely to seek out the real thing and making all of this illegal is just implementing a mindset of "well what's the point if I'm gonna be arrested anyway?" I'd like to live in a world where non-abusive material (innocent images, stories etc) were completely safe for us to use, as that would relieve a lot of stress and would probably make us less likely to seek out actual abusive material.
Going back to the fear I used to have of being a potential threat to children, another important point is to not try to force MAPs to stay away from children. As I've described above, some of my best memories were from my times working and volunteering with children. I don't believe that MAPs should have those opportunities taken away from them, and I'd like to see other MAPs learn that spending time with children in an appropriate manner can be very helpful and cathartic.
In summary of this question, society needs to erase the stigma to make it easier for MAPs to seek mental health support and to lift the burden of them living a double life from their loved ones, laws surrounding non-abusive material and mandatory reporting laws need to be reformed and we need to get rid of the idea that MAPs need to stay as far away from children as possible.
Any advice you'd give to therapists or allies re: how to support NOMAPs?
For allies, one piece of advice I would give is to educate others. You're already aware that we're not monsters simply for having this condition and that we're not ticking time bombs. But there are still many people out there who are not aware of these things. So I would encourage you to correct others when they use "pedophile" to mean "child molester" and vice versa. And in general, whenever the topic comes up, try to make the point that there must be some pedophiles out there who don't molest children. Of course, I understand and sympathise with the fact that this can be risky; you could make yourself look suspicious and some people may accuse you of being a pedophile yourself. One way to bring the topic up is to share an article on pedophilia, one that doesn't portray us as monsters, and open with something like, "Hey, I just found this article, I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on it." From there you can see where the discussion goes. So in general, educating others is an excellent way to support us. And if you don't want to risk your own safety, which is perfectly understandable, then you can use an anonymous social media account to engage in this discussion.
Another excellent way that allies can support us is to reach out to MAPs that you see either online or in real life. If a friend of yours comes out to you, let them know that you completely understand that they're not a monster and that they're not destined to offend. If you see a MAP online, particularly if they are getting dumped on by antis, send them a message saying that you support them and are sympathetic towards them. I remember when I first started using Reddit to engage in discussion about these issues, I got over 200 downvotes for simply pointing out the difference between pedophile and MAP, as well as a bunch of hateful and unproductive replies. I was easily able to respond to those and brush them off because they were mostly mindless trolls, but what really stood out for me was when someone in the comments supported me, and then sent me a DM saying that they understand that I've done nothing wrong and that they're sympathetic towards people like me. Things like that really mean a lot to us, because sometimes it can get demoralising, to say the least, when you're met with constant hate comments.
Related to sending us messages online, many of us find it very cathartic to talk to non-MAPs about our experiences and clear up any misconceptions that they may have. So asking us respectful questions and being curious about us and our community is another great way to support us. Finally, allies can consider donating to organisations such as Prostasia and ASAP. If we want organisations to be effective in terms of providing support for MAPs, they'll need all the financial support that they can get. Even a small donation is very much appreciated.
I don't feel fully qualified to advise therapists on how to support us, because I'm not an expert in the field. What I will say, in addition to the methods of support that I've already outlined, is to never report a MAP unless you are absolutely certain that they are an immediate threat to children. Now, I understand that not following mandatory reporting laws can cause you to lose your licence, and it's not really the fault of the individual therapist, it's the fault of the system. But whenever possible, it is vital that you don't report a MAP unless it is abundantly clear that they at a high risk of abusing a child. No MAP should ever be reported for disclosing their attractions, or even for admitting to CP possession, because there is no clear evidence that being in possession of CP makes one more likely to commit a hands-on offence. If mandatory reporting is a real concern in your jurisdiction, I'd suggest telling your MAP client about all the things that they could admit to that would trigger a report, in detail. Make sure that the MAP is fully clear on what could get them reported.
Beyond mandatory reporting, I'd generally advise that you show your understanding and sympathy. Keep in mind that you are likely the first person that this MAP has ever come out to and that it can be a very scary experience for them to actually talk about this stuff out loud. I wish I had more to say, but I've never been in therapy, in part because I was unsure about mandatory reporting in my area but also because, since joining VirPed, I never felt like I particularly needed therapy. I don't rule out needing therapy in the future and it absolutely should be available for MAPs in a safe manner, but as of right now I personally don't need therapy, at least not for MAP reasons. Anyway, I'm not experienced on what therapy is like exactly so that's all the advice I really have.
Okay, I guess that's all we have time for. A huge thank you to Candice and everyone else at the Prevention Podcast for giving me this opportunity. A big thank you to Elliott for taking the time to read out my answers, I hope it was okay for you. And thank you to VirPed and the rest of the anti-contact MAP community. Without that amazing forum and all of this awesome activism and raising awareness, I wouldn't even be here sharing my experiences. So thank you, and I hope that you enjoyed listening to my experiences.